fragments

I think i need to stop angsting. may be it is getting too much. i’m probably having too many committments now. and i should cut down, if that is what i want. if not, i have to follow through with it with better discipline and management. Violin has been quite trash these past few weeks. i haven’t been practising enough and it’s horrid.

It’s been almost a year since entering jc, but i think neither my mindset or my opinions have changed about the way we survive in this environment. i seem to be thinking about the same things as the start of this year.

In the end we have to be guided by our central principles. trust and faith is important; staying true.

after the project

in my half dazed, half awake mode this morning before i got out of bed, i was still thinking/dreaming about oral presentation. it’s freaky how it’s still in my head. pw has zapped alot of my energy and time this year and i’m just glad it’s (almost) over. the best and easiest way to describe it is “bitter-sweet” i guess.

i just want to move on to other things which i really want to do now. the generic list is reasonably short. but there is a lot to do. it’s really how i’m gonna spend the rest of this year and all the way till JC2 starts…

i need to put all my energy into things that really matter to me. that is when it is most rewarding (a bit like how pw has been). and it is tiring, but i can’t make excuses.

In thought, but not in action.

why’s it that it is so easy to think of many things but its many times more difficult to do it. it’s so much easier putting things in thoughts, in words, than in action. i know what i need to do, i know the whole rationale for doing or not doing. but carrying it out, takes so much more. and there is no way i can be helped but to get a grip of myself. no one can do it for me, but myself. it’s a fight with myself.

i guess thats why we can dream. the unimaginable mind can be a boundless source of strength. but it can be a weakness too.

mangled in some mess.

been some kind of a crap day. pw is more interesting than chinese, that seems to say alot. and i spent more time sleeping than studying probably. its the same thing as cts this year, and i’m quite sick of it honestly. doesn’t feel like i’m sitting for a national exam at all and thats bad. may be sometimes having a plan is overconfidence. you think you know, but you don’t.

i’ve got my hands quite full at the moment, doing all sorts of things (things which distract me from chinese right now). i guess they’re stuff i want to do and will somewhat enjoy doing them. but its still no doubt stressful or worrying doing them. and they distract me from the job of studying. i really hope the two months left in this year will be spent doing stuff i know that needs to be done.

it has been quite messy. messy in many ways. the mix of some very important school work, some not so important but still important work and other issues all over the place make things… irritatingly annoying at times. it’s the “not everything is the way i like it” that is getting on my nerves. i don’t know how else to put it – its just exploding energies. and it isn’t necessarily ‘negative’, just uncontrollable.