pull those strings

i’ve kind of refrained from thinking too much about this holidays. if i do, it’s the same old story: i’d kill myself for not having done anything and still do nothing. every time my mum asks me how my day has been, i’d say the same thing – “normal, as usual, as it is” and so on. i guess i certainly have done a bit more work than most other past holidays, but considering the cts waiting for us, i doubt thats any consolation.

perhaps part of the reason i have so little motivation to study is that i haven’t quite enjoyed this holidays. there has been a certain lack of fun. don’t think i can remember many days where i come home and fall asleep, tired but happy – having thoroughly spent my energy on enjoying myself. i realised it’s only when we put in all our energy into one specific goal that we reap the greatest satisfaction, be it in work or in play. so perhaps, the lack of play has led to the lack of work.

or may be, that’s just a bullshit excuse.

either way, i shall drown myself out by pulling violin strings right now. because it gives me satisfaction and does not leave my feeling guilty – in this house, practising violin is considered work.