staying true

The past four, five days have been pretty. I’ve spent a good part of the day just sitting around, doing nothing. Talking. Watching. Thinking. It’s nice to be able to do that once in a while. I’ve always had this wish to just sit and watch the people pass, watch the sun rise, let the time pass. Although with the kind of life we have to live, it’s getting increasingly difficult.

And
Staying true to yourself isn’t easy sometimes. Just keeping to who you are, not letting your thoughts stray. I don’t want a negative change to take effect, and keeping that side away from yourself can be a bit trying.

one&half left

Right now, it’s just juggling between work, floorball and violin. Ever since our season ended, i’ve turned my focus back to academics again. No more excuses now. When it comes to work, finding the same kind spirit i have for floorball and jazz is not easy. But i suppose it has to be done, for my own sake. Now’s the studying season…

The past 2 weeks has marked the end of floorball season. It was just 2 weeks ago that we crashed out, followed by the girls team. It was just the past week, that the girls got 3rd. But for some reason, it felt like a long time away. For the j2s, i guess this is pretty much it. For the j1s, we’re all looking towards 2010. Although it seems quite far away, i realised we don’t actually have much time. Before we know it, season 2010 will be here and before know it, we’ll either be rejoicing or regretting. I’m determined to work towards the former. I just hope injuries will not mar it.

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School may not look too bright now, but just try staying positive and strong. I realised i should quit complaining and whinning so much -  stand on my own two feet and really work for what I want. It takes ‘extreme attitude’. These 2 years will simply pass too fast. Whether it’s improving my work or my floorball, i have to do it now.

a champion’s match to be proud of

Raffles Floorball Team 2009

How much i miss playing. Floorball.

The bright side to this whole ankle injury shit is reigniting my passion for this sport. Going back to it today, brought me the joy i got when i had the rare opportunity to play floorball last year. The other upside is that i’ve gotten a better understanding of how to play this better. (i just have to do it in the match).

A champion’s match is on tuesday. And our team really needs some spark to reach the level i know we have. We seriously are a huge barrier to ourselves and it leaves me wondering what exactly is the one big thing we’re missing as a team. We really need to get the psychological barrier out of the way, each and every one of us. If we can do that, our game will take a huge leap forward.

But it really sucks prepping yourself mentally when your body just cannot play. It sucks to not be able to play your 100% in floorball, because floorball is about playing 100%. Seriously, i’m just hoping against hope that every part of me will be well come tuesday. I thought i would be back on wed, then thurs then sat. Tuesday is the final deadline. Of course, i’m not helping myself by being an idiot sometimes, and for that, i should shoot myself. But each morning when i wake up, i’m just praying for a miracle.

Damn it, i really wonder what i can do.

a mess.

I’m getting so annoyed with myself of late. Ankle, work and everything. I’m wasting a lot of time sleeping these days, such that i’m not doing work. I’ve got 2 days left to do PI and i don’t know how i’m going to do it. It’s like a total and absolute lack of attitude for work and academics now. Chinese CT is in two weeks and i don’t know what revision i’m doing for it. Then i find excuses for myself and let it pass. Sometimes, i don’t know what the hell i’m doing anymore. The best part of this is that i know all this but still do nothing about it, and nothing about it, and nothing about it. I’m just waiting to get a lashing, really.

I’m hoping to be back playing tomorrow. I’m really hoping. Just pushing the limits, risking my ankle so i can make a little difference – because i really want to. But the mind is willing, yet the body is unable. When it comes to crunch time though, i wonder: how willing.

Dark Chocolate

I’ve had the fortune of not regretting some of the major decisions I’ve made. I did not regret joining tennis instead of string ensemble in sec 1. And now, I don’t regret having given up council for floorball and jazz.

Jazz concert was good, or so everyone says. The process was annoying and frustrating at times – but that was always to be expected. The concert though, was great fun. I did not think it was that fantastic a job, but thats probably the pessimistic me at work again. I’m really happy and touched by how it has all turned out. After the concert, when everyone starting hugging each other, I realised only then how much this meant to us all. For those who were performing at their final concert for Jazz Club, it was really sweet for them to go out and thank everyone who had impacted them along the way. I was vaguely reminded of grad night, and I never thought that this concert would carry the same meaning.

For me and most of us though, this is just the start of our journey in jazz club and learning jazz. I’m really looking forward to the next year or so in jazz because I’m very sure it will be memorable.

“When one door closes, another opens” – I hope you won’t live to regret the decisions you’ve made. Sometimes, it’s about the character that you are. No matter where you go, you’ll leave your mark and find meaning in what you’ve done.

In other matters, i hope my ankle does not kill me. It was such a stupid stupid thing to do. Trying to shoot and then loosing balance (some how or other, i’m not sure how) and crashing on my right ankle. It’s bad. I’m just praying i’ll recover by wednesday. I really really hope it isn’t a fracture or I’ll… My season has just started..

There’s a lot of work to do and well.. holiday’s over.