“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
..- Mark Twain

just searching for a heading

a case of self issues

I was hit hard. but friends helped pick me up.
thank you so much – talking really helps me through it all.

school really hasn’t been too good…

there is no bloody straight line!

to take chinese or not.

to take history or physics.

to drop floorball
to try for jazz
to go for council…

to study
to only focus on studying…

why is it so bloody difficult?
“balancing act”

Real gems don’t fade. Pure gold doesn’t rust.

I understand it now. I finally understand why this feeling i’m getting now is so familiar. Its the same feeling after dwen an, after oip vietnam, after apcg and after oip thailand. Yes, that’s what it is. But it’s with that experience i suppose that’s making the fear even worse. The fear that most 4k-ers have – the fear that we’d come apart.

But the realisation has come back to me. Time has a way of shredding bonds to the bone. It reveals how strong bonds really are. So while we are fearing about whether jc life will seperate us, we should in fact let nature take its course. If things really are as close as we pride ourselves to be, then it will stay that way. If they are not, then that’s the raw truth. Friends come and go, only the closest stay – that’s how it is. That doesn’t mean we do nothing at all – that’d be unfair – but rather, that we trust in the friendship.

Still, that doesn’t make moving on with life any easier. As jarrell said, dwen an, oip, apcg was a week or two. May be for apcg, it was 2 months. This though, was 2 whole years. At this very point in time, accepting that life has to go on isn’t made any easier. In fact, i don’t want to bloody move on. Not yet at least. But i suppose as the past has shown me, i eventually will. While that might be a good thing, that is also precisely what i fear most.

After all the tears, where do we end up? How has past experiences ended up? Washed away. I know, that’s the raw truth of our friendship. But that still does not remove the fact that it’s incredibly sad. Really sad. I really, really fear the day i will turn my back on the very people i call dear now. It doesn’t make any bloody logical sense. But it has happened before and i fear it will happen again. That, along with studies, is one of the possibilities-for-change that i fear most in jc. We always say to work at it and make sure it doesn’t happen. But i know, i’m horrid at that.

How do i conclude this? Where do i go from here? Trust. And let time do the rest?

“this is life.” urgh.

chalet and the beach

I’m glad that our class chalet did take off. At the end of it, i had the same feelings that i had at grad night – that something lovely was coming to an end and that i’d be missing it. I really really wish i were going back to the beach tonight with the same lot of friends. Honestly, sitting there in the shivering chill was just awesome. K boxing was nice too, although my song knowledge is next to nothing.

I know though, that sometimes the things i do or will do, do not match what i’m saying. But i just hope you’ll understand where i’m coming from. Honestly, i’m really worried about what will happen in these coming 2 years.

School starts next week. It’s unimaginably fast. All this fun and carefree-ness would soon come to an end. Work will start, environment will change and well, we’re in it all over again. It’s somewhat daunting really and i’m just thinking alot about it – too much perhaps. I just don’t want to get started with jc now.

sand beneath you, chill in front of you and friends beside you.