it’s coming to an end of a very memorable, very fruitful but also very trying past 4 years. the winding down of activities since the end of the exams has given me time to think. and think i have.
at this juncture where roads tend to split, i want to simply savour the very last of what we have, to appreciate every bit that we as secondary 4 rafflesians are being given. there are just so many things i want to do – things i never quite had the time to do earlier. but no. there is the constant nagging of having to study chinese, to do well in chinese. there is the constant nagging of doing other seemingly more important things. it just never stops. when will we ever find the time to do the things that we love most? at this rate, never.
but that’s the way society works. there is the constant pressure to do the things that are deemed necessary, to do the things that are deemed as more important. there is a personal want to act in a certain way, to think in a certain way. but society will not let you do it your way. the constant pressure by society, in any form, has caused you to mould and conform to society or risk dropping out of it. and that’s what i’m beginning to realise.
we do some of the things we do because we need to conform to society and societal expectations. sometimes that pressure may even reshape our way of thinking such that we do not even realise how our perceptions and our actions have changed. but for others who cannot be bothered about what you think, simply cannot be bothered. they would not change their lifestyle just to suit you. but even then, sometimes i feel that this “cannot be bothered” is merely an act. the desire to feel “wanted”, i believe, is natural. very few people will live in their own sanctuary happy to be ignored and disowned by society. so while they say they don’t care, some how some where i feel they do. which is why i personally feel there is a constant need to ask ourselves “are we doing this because of soceity? if so, to what end? if not, is it really me?”
this is why i want to just sit and watch people. some, though confined within this society that we have to survive in, will still shine and sparkle. there will be magic conjured from their very finger tips which would never fail to amaze and awe you. but there are still others who seem to merely glow. but i do believe that every one of us has our own gifts. none should be looked down on.
change in people can be so rapid and so drastic, it can be scary sometimes. but as we eventually split paths and get cooked in different societal environments, i’d really like to watch and appreciate that change.
what our childhoods mean in the course of our lives, i can’t really say. what our lives really mean, i can’t really tell. but these enjoyments and appreication of the people in life and life as a whole seem to give me just a little sparkle.
