i’ll miss the aircon, the lights and the music.

when we were younger, for most of us at least, the airport was a wonderful place to be. because when we do go there, we would usually be going for a holiday – something trilling, something exciting. but as we grow older, things change and we realise it could be in fact a dreadful place. it’s a place to bid farewell, a place to say the ‘goodbyes’.

i remember coming back from dwen an, taiwan – my first ever overwhelmingly emotional experience – and telling my dad that we all cried. i clearly remember him not saying anything. now, one year on, may be i know why – he was watching me grow up. he knew this time would surely come again, when we – held together with even stronger bonds – had to part.

through the gates, you stand there alone. this time, there’s no one to lean on, no one to help you pick that bag up. you’re out alone – to fend for yourself against the cold, cold rain. inevitably you worry. whether he’ll be okay, whether he’ll get knocked down. but i think this is what you live for – to see him grow up.

time flows and even rushes and gushes. but with that, flowers bloom and blossom – hopefully at least. and thats the time you’ve been waiting for – from seeds to sprouts to flowers to a sea of vibrantly-coloured flowers, dancing in the wind. it is a beautiful scene.

4 years await me. but as my mum says, it’ll pass very fast. and i’ve got to agree.

cry

it’s two weeks left to end of years. and i’m not even a quarter through with studying. lit’s taken up a lot, a lot of time.

i stare at the pile of work before me, and i feel like giving up. i just feel that i’ll almost certainly fail. i wanted to devote all my time and energy to studying. but two weeks to crunch time, and im beginning to feel hopeless.

i’m just willing myself to go on. this is just like fighting for tennis gold – it’s about the mind and the hunger. i could give up now and fail or i could make good with whatever i have left and hope for a good result. i’m choosing the latter – to go on for myself, to prove to myself and to prove to some others.

im just glad lit’s coming to an end tomorrow. but for tonight, it’s still worrying and tiring…

struggles

i’ve really put in a lot of time and effort for lit. i just wonder whether it’s worth sacrificing studying time for this-cause i really haven’t touched my books at all this weekend. the days just tick by and the time i have left just shortens. what am i going to do to save myself?

yesterday’s visit to half-way house was truly heartwarming. seeing ex offenders face to face and hearing the struggles and hardships they go through really makes me wonder- what are our troubles in comparison to them? if they can get fight against the odds and win, why can’t we?

every man needs and deserves ‘hope’.

at a loss…

i’m either a terrible leader who cannot manage and motivate my people

or i’m a powerless leader

or i’m too nice

because things are really heating up in me.

stepping up to it

sometimes you wonder why you do those things that you do. in a group, in a team, why do you do those things that others don’t. does it help? is it worth it?

in almost any project, any group, we’ll need people who would go the extra mile. to do things that others don’t, to put in place things that others do not. it is difficult, though we are always taught to do, to find a group where the work is split right down the centre. thing is, such people may be appreciated but often, that’s where it stops. there is no corrective action and no ‘i will do this to help them’.

at the end of the day, you’ll end up doing things because you want to or because you have to. but i’m sure there’ll come a day when you’ll just stop and give it up.

desperate struggle

i know i need to get started with my studying. but i haven’t. and when i everyone else around me sit up and start, i feel wrong. it’s all about priorities priorities prioritising – something i’m terribly bad at. i’m trying to, but still nothing gets done. and that’s all that needs to be said.

i badly need to find a cure for sleep. i’ve been sleeping everyday in class except today. afternoons and late nights are also a real sturggle. that leaves me with a small window of time to get things done. damn it. i wish we needn’t sleep. then our day would be much longer and more things would be done, or so i think.

my brain’s really drifting.

self discipline

to say nice things even when you’re angry. to smile even when you’re sad. to be brave even when you’re fearful. to be high even when you’re down. to-

to do the appropriate thing for a preferred outcome. to calculate which option is better.

it’s raining, cold.

it was never meant to turn out this way, i didn’t think it even would. i had no ill intent and i meant to do no harm. but human emotions just had to get in the way and things just had to turn out this way. i can say i hate this because it’s ridiculous amd irritating as hell. things just didn’t have to end up this way.

i’ve got to watch myself. i guess, i push the limits sometimes, especially when i’m pissed and frustrated. and now that its happening more often, i suppose it does get out of hand. i understand the whole problem with it, but controlling it isn’t easy. either way, you needn’t do the things you do, you needn’t receive me the way you do. for those who have, i really appreciate it. thanks a lot.

things just don’t seem to work out – it just doesn’t seem right. you say one thing, but what i see is another. i don’t understand. is it a problem or is it just me? is it something worth changing?

human? love? 情？