3 and?

term 3 of the last year in ri is over. this term’s past so so fast and now we’ve got just a couple of months left… it has been anything but boring. i’d dare say even fun.

there’s been apcg and dramafeste – that’s enough to make my term fun-filled. i’m so looking forward to outing this hols, to just spend some time with everyone again. looking back at my past 4 years for showcase has made me realise just how much i’ve done. i think i quite like how i’ve played out my ri life – it hasn’t been all studies no “other-committments”, neither is it the other way round. it’s been rather fun and fulfilling this way with a balance of both. my only wish is that my studies are naturally better. i’ll need to do quite some to pull myself up and i certainly am getting much pressure to do so. it isn’t as if i don’t want to, just that the results don’t equal the effort. or may be, it’s back to the “enough is never enough” thing, which sucks. either way, i shall try to give this last exam my all, so that i can shut any doubts up. “try” is the big key word though. but i’ve been waiting for this, to just focus all my energy on my final exams, and now it’s here.

but i really don’t want this year to end. this term’s been kinda fast, and it’s now on to the last. very soon it’ll be over and i’ll be missing this place. i want to just stop time, but i can’t. so i’ve really been and am enjoying myself here. especially this term, i’ve just taken all the troubles into my stride, smilling and laughing at everything. because i know that i really want to enjoy my last year since it’ll be over in no time. it’s funny how when we’re in it we hate it, but when we’re out of it we love it. that’s how it’s always been.

for now, i’m just trying to take this very very short break. i want to do so many things i love but shall have to refocus to the eoys. here i come man, hopefully.

human emotions and a warmed heart. shall i call it love?

three things.

enough is really never enough. i can just never seem to reach them. come on man.

i understand where you come from, i know it’ll hurt. but i’ll still stab you anyway.

you may be a nice guy. but sometimes you’re just an idiot. i guess we’re all like that.

i messed up

i totally messed up my chinese.

i don’t know what i did, i don’t know why, i don’t know how.

all i know was that i fell asleep and by the time i woke up, i was dead.

i’ve only got myself to blame.

idiot.

it was a total waste. i’ve got to save myself from these idiotic exam syndromes thing. i hate it, i really do.

poof. 2.30.

1 week more people, 1 week.

enough is never enough when you’ve got to meet expectations. increasingly, i find that i am not rewarded for the effort i had put in. or may be i haven’t put in enough effort. i don’t really know. but this last term, i’m gonna try to give it my max. then i can say i’ve given it my best. yes i will.

for now, i’m so happy my portfolio’s in the printing press. i’ve spent countless days on this. i didn’t even put in so much time for my ss doc. i hope good results come out of this though. for the rest of ya, keep going man. add oil, add oil.

i’m gonna save myself.

last bit

you can come up with the best reasons and excuses. but when it’s down to the numbers, are you happy?

fight for yourself for no one else can help you, if you don’t want to help yourself first.

give it all you’ve got for this really is the last bit.

rotten

falling sick sucks. or at least falling sick when you don’t want to sucks. having ’solid’ phlegm up your nose sucks even more.

physics was bad, plain bad. i studied and i even practised, but i still died. it’s most irritating when you know you’ve studied, but the results you get back do not justify the effort you put in. then again, may be i didn’t study all that hard after all. it’s like enough is never enough. i guess these things happen all the time. all the mental blocks, all the last minute mind-goes-blank-thing, all the so happen i wrote out of point things. they’re always there to screw up your exams. i think we’ve just gotta try and prevent them.

its one heck of a last two weeks of term 3. just gotta hang in there and keep going…

we should have 28 hours a day. or 32. why did man create time with only 24 hours?

i think most of us lack serious discipline. i feel damn good about myself if i set my mind to doing something and i complete it. but that comes very very seldom sadly. i think it’d be even better if man doesn’t sleep. i don’t see too much use in sleeping, except to rest. i think we could do a lot more if we could fight sleep – i’d like that.

thinking back at my past 4 years for portfolio has been hard. it’s so difficult to frame everything you’ve gone through – because it’s been immense. but when i think back at all this, i just wonder where i’ve left my mark and on who. what others perceive of me, where i stand. i guess we really are at the age of self identity – discovering and defining yourself.

keep going at it

for all the shit, all the crap

for all the frutrations, all the irritations

it’s barely 4 months left.

4 months till it’s all over.

cherish every moment you still have,

cause you won’t be able to turn it back.

so stop it man.

life doesn’t have a rule book

one quote can’t inspire your life. one rule can’t dictate your life. one belief can’t decide your life.

at least that’s what i think. life’s just too complex to follow just one model – there isn’t one thing that can decide our every action, our every thought in our whole life. i think it’s more like all the rules and believes we have, they’re like two guide rails. and we just bounce off one to the other, as we move along in life. when we meet this circumstance, there’ll be this rule or rules to follow. when we meet another, there’ll be another set of rules to follow. even so, the set of rules are not fixed. well, i guess thats why we’ve got choices to make in life.

and yesterday, i had quite a decision to make. after watching batman, i was in a rush to go for a dinner. but as i was walking, i passed this blindman, finding his way somewhere. at first i walked right past him. but after i did, i kind of hestiated. i wasn’t sure whether to help him or to continue with my walking, especially since i was in a rush (a genuine one). but then it struck me – how people and i always criticised singaporeans for being unhelpful and all that. this time, i was in such a situation. i really stopped dead in my tracks, trying to decide whether to help him or to just move along. i was indeed in a rush, but was my dinner more important or was helping a man in need more important? i finally decided it was the latter and so i asked where he was going. he said he could manage and so i left it at that.

people can and will always criticise you for doing or not doing this or that. but as much as they do, it’s still down to your own rules, your own believes, your own morals. your actions will just reflect these rules, but in the end no one is right and no one is wrong. it’s just society.

keeping my head intact

work’s getting to me. thinking about all the work and tests coming up just get’s me all… bad. i’ve just been trying to keep myself in check, keep my frustrations under control and be less of an idiot if possible. i guess the late nights are getting to me. the worst thing for me is that even though i seem to be putting in effort, it doesn’t show in my tests. and thats the most pissing – i just never seem to be able to pull myself up. then again, perhaps i just haven’t put in enough. either way, after the last two cle periods, i’m trying hard to keep myself alive despite the work. the past two lessons have really hit me hard with those very touching and inspirational stuff. still, i’m looking for some serious fun soon – just need to take myself away from the work i guess.

it just came back to me the other day: i think our society lacks overly-good people. people who are extra-committed, people who are extra-courteous and i don’t know what else. i say extra only because most people are around the same and so it seems to be the norm. but honestly, to me, i feel that society needs more of these extra-committed people, extra-courteous people, etc. and it’s quite sad, the way i see it. these values are pretty basic stuff but there are a fair number of people out there who don’t know these things. they can be nice people and all, just that these lack-offs make me feel quite disappointed.

.

“life isn’t primarily a quest for pleasure… but a quest for meaning.” – i’ve been trying to go by this…