places to fly to!

this is after all the holidays right? i actually love going overseas. it’s so amazing, seeing the other cultures and heritage. so let’s see, off the top of my head, here are the places i want to go:

tokyo – shopping!

hongkong – food and shopping!

paris – the cultural heritage is just amazing. eiffel tower, champs elysees and le louvre especially. oh and the food.

london – it’s so happening with all the hustle and bustle

china – my heritage! with the great wall of china, forbidden city and the three gorgeous dams.

newyork – i can’t imagine what it’s like.

venice – love the gondolas.

that’s kinda the places i want to go, i think. i’m sure there’s more. i want to go to some where in central europe, like austira may be. think its damn nice there, with the right weather. want to go somewhere with beautiful sceneries and skies. like somewhere in the mediterranean, with the beaches and all.

i don’t really know my geog that well actually.

when minds collide, and mouth talk.

1984 is one good book. it’s so so intriguing.

anyway, it was while reading 1984 that i fell asleep and it was when i fell asleep that i dreamt and it was when i woke up from my dream that i realised something. how do we know anything is real? it’s quite possibly all in the mind, whether it’s the tangibles or the intangibles. i was dreaming of this toad that was invading my house and i woke up from the dream because i was wondering, how do you know the toad is even there? and obviously it’s my dream, so obviously it’s not there. but whether we’re talking about problems or anything in our life, how do we know it’s even there? how do you know history is history? how do you even know that there was (is?) history? how do you know a problem exists? how do you even know it is a problem?

i know i’m not saying very much, nor bringing to light very much. but it’s just something that struck me. and honestly, i’m not even clear what i’m talking about.

then again, why do we even bother to find out the meaning of things? why do we even bother to find out why things are happening, what is causing certain things to happen? why do you or i even bother trying to find reason and meaning in things? what need is there? or may be it isn’t even there?

i don’t really know what i’m saying. may be there isn’t a need to. why am i even saying these things i’m saying? i don’t know.

too many

too much

for me

for us

that’s how it is.

coping with it

how we function

that’s what it is.

people like us

i just realised of late- a lot of people our age are in the same position, same place and same standing as any one of us. a lot. though in varying degrees, but im beginning to think that we’re actually not alone in this world. there are  a lot of people out there who go through the same problems, experience the same issues and feel the same way as you do. we don’t realise it and we often think we’re special, we’re weird. yet, in fact, it is not the case. if you ask around enough, and if people tell you enough, you’ll realise a lot of people have similar problems behind the facade they put up in front of you.

and when you see these people around you, suffering from their problems, you don’t know whether or not to pity them or to scold them. on one hand, you empathise with what they’re going through. on the other, you wonder why people are so dumb. they press on with what they do, knowing very well that that is the source of their problems. the way i see it, i try to understand. a lot of us really have a story behind the things we do and i try to understand and see that. people don’t do things for nothing. people don’t do those so called “dumb, ridiculous, silly things” for nothing. there is a reason for all this, it’s only that they do not say it. they put on a facade to try and hide it, to appear normal, to force themselves into the shape they think they should be.

i only hope that all of us will grow out of this. for most of us, i believe the day we realise these things will come. you may not realise it – it isn’t an overnight thing. but when you look back, some time down the road, you’ll see how you’d change. and i hope for those of you who havent been able to see that as yet, you’ll see it soon enough for your own good. i don’t think many of us can live such a life when we have to support ourselves, some years down the road. when you’ve got no one to rely on, when people are relying on you, when you go out there to face the world, i believe you can’t go on like this. you’ll have to change and i hope you will, for the better.

for me, emotional or whatever maturity is when you know how to deal with situations and especially with yourself. life is about a balance – i truly believe that. when you’re able to understand why you do certain things, what causes you to feel a certain way, and is able to cope with that, that i believe is when you’ve matured. and i only hope that all of us will reach that stage. at least, i hope i’m right about all those things i just said.

watching you spin

so many things has been happening to the people you know, the people you care about this past few days, these past few weeks. it’s just so scary seeing your friends go through all those emotional roller coasters. sometimes it makes me wonder about myself – whether i’ll end up like that some day, how i react to these things when they do happen to me.

again, i barely know anything. i just see all the reactions that come out of it, not the actions. i’m out of that ring, as i have been even before today. i guess i’ve come to just accept it, to just live with it. if you are kept out of that circle, so be it. don’t force anything. yes, it’s irritating and saddenning sometimes knowing that you are not within the circle. but what can i do? making things work for myself does not help, it doesn’t change anything. so i guess at the end of the day, i remain where i am – right smack in the middle.

i guess that was how it was all meant to be. i am who i am.

something to look towards-

The 2nd day of apcg went so much better than the first. The first day I was pretty dead and quiet – quite unlike me. Today was much better, although I’m still not in fullswing yet – which might be better actually.

This whole thing reminds me of vietnam and especially taiwan. This whole event is quite like it, except that taiwan was workshop, not a conference. The other challenge is that this time, I’m a facilitator. It’ll be quite interesting because after 2 or 3 such functions, this will open a new door for me. Especially since I’ve some what been fascinated with the jobs of facilitators. I think it’s quite cool. I’m really looking forward to this now although it’s still about 2 months away.

But I know, this will be over all too soon. Which is the sad thing, because we really can’t stop the clock where we want it. At the end of it all, the same things will probably repeat, the same emotions, the same “turn out”. Or would it? I only hope it will turn out as sweet as taiwan and may be in some areas, sweeter. But the only real thing I can do now I suppose would be to live every moment to the fullest, to treasure and cherish every moment. I just want to be myself, to do what I do best. I know I will. But I know it still would not be enough. Damn.

youth. youthful.

to date. of late.

i think it’s about time to buck up. my chinese and chem especially. before i get into trouble with different people i better do something about it. ahh

apart from that, i’m so glad to be in apcg. i’m really looking forward to it now, after the first of a two day workshop. it’s gonna be fun. it reminds me so much of taiwan. the style of things is so so similar.

oh well! just some updates. haven’t really had any real need to blog about anything of late.