where will you be five, ten, fiftenn years down the road? where will i be?
i’ve spent 6 years in primary school, with friends. and now i rarely contact them. i’ve spent a week in Taiwan, crying my heart out because of friends. and now i barely contact them. i’ve spent two weeks in Vietnam, crying my heart out because of friends again. and now… for now… i’m still in contact. for those friends who i still keep in contact, how long more will this last? i don’t know.
just 3 to 5 years down the road, which road will we all have chosen? we choose the path for ourselves and not for others and each of us choose our own path to take. these paths head in different directions, to different ends. what then will keep us together? is it the friendship?
what keeps friends talking? there must be a platform, a common ground to talk on. there must be a topic or topics of choice close to you and me that keeps us talking about it. for some of us sadly, it is only work. school work and home work keeps us talking… talking and talking… but how long more will we share the same work? when you choose to go that way and i choose to go this way, what work is there to talk about? if you disagree with me, then there must be a need. there must be a need for friends to talk, possibly either emotionally or practically. work or hard times, i would say would be the practical need. but that need lasts as long as we are on the same path (like i’ve said). what i’ve found, however, is that the emotional need to talk with friends can last longer. i’ve found that emotional need to talk to some of you, but for others, have i or we developed that emotional need? do i need to pour out my emotions to you for me to live the next day? its your call.
so when we always say “let us be friends forever”, “we’ve developed a good friendship”, how true is that actually? does living through our days together make us close friends? even if we share our secrets, does that keep us friends forever? even family members go missing and loose contact for the rest of our lives, what more with friends? when i choose to take this road for myself and you to take another road, will there still be any need or platform for us to keep in touch?
i’ve read of this chinese saying: whatever year, month and day we’ve stopped talking, let it be. there’s no point feeling sad or disappointed, over the lack of being in contact. what is fate is fate. may be some of you still keep in contact with your friends. but for what purpose? is it just for the sake of being in contact or do you really need to be in contact? don’t get me wrong. i find it sad that after all this we’ve been through i no longer talk with some of your. but if i’ve no need to talk with you, do i still do it? do i still talk with you only because it feels good that friends are still talking, even if there is no real need to? to me, it says alot about our friendship – that our friendship is only to talk for the sake of talking. there is no reliance on you or me and there is no need to talk. but we just talk because friends should talk. that is not really friendship is it?
i’m not finding reasons for not talking to some of your. i do find it sad, that after all the crying and after all that we’ve gone through, it has come down to this. i want to talk, but i dont want to talk for the sake of doing it. but still, i do think we’re friends. friends can remain friends, even if we dont talk. yet it is only strange that the lack of talking makes us seem like absolute strangers. but i dont believe we are. it is just that friends come and go, from nursery to primary to secondary school to junior college and university. to the time we grow up, have a family, go to work and finally die. opportunities to make new friends are always there and for most of us, we do make new friends. the old ones just remain friends, but for that period time, theres nothing between us to talk about.
some time down the road, i wish that we’ll find time to catch up. to find out about each other’s lives, to see whats gone on between the last time i saw u and now. it affirms us as friends at the least. i’m sorry for giving you (if any) the perception that i’ve forgotten about you. for some, i’m sorry, may be i have. for others, i most certainly haven’t. i most certainly dont want to loose contact with the friends i’m still talking to now. let what i’ve just said, not be the fixed path i’ll take from here on. let things come as they do, and we’ll see if our friendship stands the test of time. but i’ve thought about this for some time, and reading a chinese article has just made me say this much. i’ve just found the need to tell you of what i can foresee and what i’ve always felt.
once again, i’m sorry, my friends, for not being in contact, since the last we’ve met. i’m sorry for making you think that i no longer think you are important. and i’m sorry, my friends, if i do loose contact with you, sometime in the future, near or far. and for just that tiny small handful, whom i really have found the emotional need to remain friends, at least for now, let us stay in contact forever. i hope.
